Post Updated on March 4, 2025 by Taylor.
As a financial advisor, I’m often reflecting on the challenges my clients face and how financial planning can make a world of difference. More and more, I’ve been witnessing my Gen X and Millennial clients enter what’s called “the Sandwich Generation.” This is a season in life when you’re finding yourself squeezed between raising young children and caring for your aging or unwell parents. You’re ‘sandwiched,’ if you will, as a financial caretaker for two generations.
In other words: it’s a lot.
I’ve witnessed countless clients—as well as my own wife and her sister—juggle the load of managing their new, growing families, while tending to their parents’ end-of-life care. It is stressful, it is emotional, and it is financially taxing.
Here’s My Advice to the Sandwich Generation:
As a financial planner, it’s my job to give financial advice—that’s what I’m here for—but I also want to touch on the emotional toll. Because you make better financial decisions when you’re feeling emotionally supported.
First of all, you can do hard things. I hope you already know this. But to avoid complete and total overwhelm, I suggest the following:
Take it one step at a time.
Find some quiet space to lay out all that you’re up against. Breaking it down can help you see the forest through the trees. It helps you map out your time management needs and any additional support you’ll require.
Consider compartmentalizing your time into the following blocks:
- Spouse
- Kids
- Career: aspirations and goals
- Your own health and wellbeing
- Parents
Which areas of your life require the most attention in this season? How can you block your time in a way that creates some semblance of balance? Do you have to pull back from one area? For example, if it feels easiest to put your own aspirations on hold, is there a way to incorporate even one hour a week for yourself, so you don’t feel totally pushed aside? Can you outsource for extra support, where needed?
Be aware of your guilt.
Guilt is the predominant feature I’ve witnessed in my ‘sandwiched’ clients. Whether they’re feeling guilty for missing out on their kids while with their parents, or worrying because they’re not spending enough time with their parents, they all share the pain of feeling spread too thin.
The great thing about guilt, though, is that it’s a guiding light for your values. Use it to advocate for what’s important to you.
If your siblings live closer to your parents:
And you’re worried about them carrying the load, that’s an indication that you care about your contribution. Act on that. Look for ways to support from afar.
If you’re handling the bulk of your parents’ care and your siblings are far away:
Communicate what’s supportive for you. Be clear and direct to avoid resentment. They may be feeling guilty, too.
If you’re worried that your kids feel slighted because your parents need your attention:
Find ways to make your kids feel cared for when you can be around. Be present when you’re present. Go to the important game. Kids are resilient. They understand the importance of taking care of people. I certainly did when I was young and my parents were called away to tend to my grandparents. Making it count when you’re with your kids is what they’ll remember.
Similarly, if you’re feeling guilty that you haven’t spent enough time with your parents:
Consider how to make it count when you do. Be present when you’re present. Ask them the questions you’ve always wanted to ask. Appreciating the time you do have can reduce your guilt about the time you don’t have.
Everyone in the Sandwich Generation is bound to confront guilt. If you repress it, you’re ignoring key indicators of what matters to you. If you acknowledge it, it might inspire you to make the most of where you are.
Prepare for interpersonal conflicts.
Stress rarely brings out the best in us. Neither do the ailments our parents face when they’re at the end of their lives. Old patterns and wounds are likely to resurface once you’re in a caretaking role for your folks. This can completely derail you. It can impact all of your relationships, particularly with your spouse.
It’s in your best interest to get ahead of this as best you can. Calling on support—even in the form of a trusted therapist or mentor—is a great way to advocate for yourself. You do not need to shoulder the load on your own.
Financial advisors are a form of support, too. You don’t need to do the mental gymnastics of how to organize your finances—and likely your parents’ finances—on your own. The more you can outsource, the smoother this season will be for you.
Financial stressors to consider:
Within my practice, my Sandwich Generation clients have had to make major financial decisions on behalf of their parents. This affects their own finances, too. Such as:
- Deciding whether to move if you don’t live near your parents. You may choose to move your parents closer to you or uproot your kids to move closer to them. Either way, this is a major lift that can be both emotionally and financially taxing.
- Taking time off from work. Very few people consider this possibility when planning their lives. If your parents need hands-on care as they age, you might need to step away from the office. This could lead to a fairly big financial burden, especially if it impacts your career trajectory. It’s possible some companies will eventually factor this kind of time-off into their contracts, but I have yet to see it, so it’s best to be prepared.
- Making space in your home. Many of my clients have considered home renovations or ADU (accessory dwelling unit) builds to accommodate their aging parents. For obvious reasons, this can be a major financial investment.
- Lack of transparency with your parents’ financial situation. Whether or not your parents have their own financial advisor, it can be a little murky to get a clear picture of their financial scope. Often, you have to become their advocate—and sifting through their books can be daunting.
Alleviating the Financial Toll:
Control What You Can in An Uncertain World
Financial planning is all about mitigating inevitable chaos. While we can’t control our parents’ health, we can influence the process by having the right plans in place.
As a financial advisor, I approach this issue from multiple angles, including investment, financial planning, and risk management. It’s about setting up a financial safety net, making strategic investments, and having a comprehensive plan in place to weather life’s storms. My wife, who has experienced the sandwich dilemma first-hand, would emphasize the importance of long-term care plans and life insurance.
This holistic approach ensures that individuals not only navigate their immediate challenges, but secure their financial well-being for the future. When you plan ahead, you give yourself the breathing room you’ll need to weather any storm.
Communication Sets You Up for Success
As important as it is to communicate your needs and advocate for support, it’s imperative that you have a transparent conversation with your parents as soon as you can.
If you’ve found yourself a member of the Sandwich Generation without any preparation, this is doubly important.
Discuss the current situation, from life insurance and retirement plans to savings and legal matters like wills and trusts. Understand all financial obligations, whether it’s a mortgage or other debts. Knowing who to call, where documents are located, and what resources they have is paramount in managing a financial crisis triggered by a health event.
I realize that discussing financial matters with your parents or aging loved ones can be uncomfortable, even daunting, but it’s a necessary step that can make a world of difference—both emotionally and financially.
Consider Sharing a Financial Advisor
One of the smartest moves I’ve witnessed my clients make is to bring their family into my office so I can help bridge the gap in communication about their finances. My older clients will invite their adult children in so I can explain which tools we could use in the event of a long-term care event. Using an expert as a middle man makes decision making so much smoother.
In some cases, my Millennial clients will transfer their elder parents’ financial information to the Four Points Wealth team. This allows all financial guidance to work symbiotically under one roof. It creates total transparency and trust between finances.
If this is a possibility for you, I’d highly recommend it. Especially if you are working with a fiduciary advisor, you’ll have peace-of-mind that all advice for both your and your parents’ finances are working toward your joint interests.
How can an Experienced Financial Advisor Help the “Sandwich Generation”?
Here are some ways a financial advisor such as myself and my team at Four Points Wealth Management can help if you need support:
1. Comprehensive Financial Planning:
A skilled financial advisor can work with you to create a comprehensive financial plan that considers your immediate needs and long-term goals. They’ll help you identify potential financial gaps, such as insufficient retirement savings or inadequate insurance coverage, and develop strategies to address them. By having a clear plan in place, you can better allocate your resources and ensure you’re prepared for unexpected expenses related to both your children and aging parents.
2. Retirement Planning:
This is particularly crucial for those in the “sandwich generation.” A skilled advisor can assess your current retirement savings, estimate future expenses, and help you make informed decisions about how much you need to save to secure a comfortable retirement.
3. Insurance Guidance:
Insurance also plays a pivotal role in the financial security of the “sandwich generation.” A financial advisor can help you explore options to mitigate the financial strain of caring for family members in need of extended care or ensure your family is covered if something were to happen to a parent of the household.
4. Estate Planning:
Estate planning is often overlooked but is a critical aspect of ensuring that your assets are distributed according to your wishes. A trusted financial advisor can be your advocate when working with an attorney to create a will, establishing trusts, and designating beneficiaries. Proper estate planning can help avoid disputes and minimize the financial impact of inheritance taxes.
5. Investment Strategies:
Financial advisors can help you design investment strategies that align with your financial goals and appetite for risk. They’ll consider your unique situation, including the financial responsibilities you have towards both your children and aging parents. A well-constructed investment portfolio can help meet your financial goals and provide a financial cushion during challenging times.
6. Tax Efficiency:
Minimizing and reducing tax liabilities is essential for preserving your wealth. A financial advisor can help you explore tax-efficient investment options and strategies, ensuring that you’re not paying more in taxes than necessary. These extra savings can be directed toward your family’s needs and future planning.
In essence, an experienced fiduciary financial advisor acts as a trusted guide, offering tailored solutions to help you alleviate financial stress. This provides peace of mind, allowing you to focus on what truly matters – supporting your loved ones through life’s ups and downs.
The “sandwich generation” faces a unique set of challenges, and the importance of financial planning cannot be overstated.
If you’re in the midst of it, find the space to understand the challenges you’re up against. Compartmentalize them, communicate them, and advocate for support. You don’t need to shoulder the load on your own. My team is here to help when it comes to sorting your financial options.
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